The Alzheimer’s Teacher Friday, Mar 10 2023 

Alzheimer's and Books and Everyday Life and Faith and Family and Health , , Mary K. Doyle 11:49 am

Loving a spouse with dementia for decades comes with tremendous heartache. The treacherous path that must be tread requires steady, patient, and unstoppable footing as well as a thick skin. But through this journey, I also gained some wisdom.

Here are a few things I learned from loving a spouse with Alzheimer’s:

  • Faith, family, and friends can get us through everything.
  • Looking back with regret is pointless. 
  • Get as much rest as you can when you can.
  • Some days neither our spouse with dementia or we spousal caregivers make sense.
  • We don’t need the correct words to get our point across.
  • We’re all a little “off.”
  • Remain in the present moment. The past is over and whatever future we have will be our present. 
  • Slow down. What we are doing at a given time deserves our attention.
  • Skip the little worries and place the big ones in God’s hands.
  • Appreciate everything as if experiencing it for the first time.
  • No matter how far away someone is mentally, they can feel the love.
  • If this moment is troubling, believe there will be others that are better.
  • You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself.
  • Forget the to-do list. Just do the next right thing.
  • There’s always something to cry about.
  • There’s always hope. New medicines, new therapies, and a new peace are ahead.
  • There’s always joy. Even in the worst of times something good is happening.
  • Don’t ignore all your blessings.

*I wrote a few books just for you. These books offer answers to your questions and comfort–Navigating Alzheimer’s, The Alzheimer’s Spouse, and Inspired Caregiving. (These books are also available on Amazon)

 

Love Them Where They Are Tuesday, Jan 3 2023 

Alzheimer's and Books and Everyday Life and Family and Perspective and Poetry , , , Mary K. Doyle 9:08 am

Like sunshine

on an overcast day

rays of the man I knew

peek through the clouds

leaving me longing for more.

This poem sums up how we feel while living with a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease. Like a tease, we are shown moments of lucidity that briefly allow us to think all is well. Periodically, our loved one knows us, remembers our many adventures and shared life. Such moments quickly vanish and become less frequent as the disease progresses.

I wrote this poem for the opening page of my book, Navigating Alzheimer’s. My husband, Marshall, showed symptoms of Alzheimer’s during the last 15 years of our marriage. The heartache of witnessing the decline of his health and memories of our lives together continuously diminishing, in addition to the demands of around-the-clock caregiving, took its toll on my own mental and physical health. However, I learned while caring for him that loving and accepting him where he was at each point in time in the illness was important. Since, as of this writing, there is no way to reverse the disease, symptoms are progressive. Although today may be sad and difficult, tomorrow will likely be worse.

Live in the moment, enjoy the moment, alongside your loved one, wherever that takes you.

***Learn more about managing symptoms of Alzheimer’s and other dementias, as well as my experience, in the books The Alzheimer’s Spouse and Navigating Alzheimer’s. And please, if you have read either of these books, write a short review on Amazon.

 

Modified Holidays for Loved Ones with Dementia Monday, Nov 14 2022 

Alzheimer's and Culture and Everyday Life and Family and Health and Holiday , , , , , , , Mary K. Doyle 9:35 am

With the holidays approaching, all the fun and memorable events ahead present increased challenges for people with dementia. In addition, the darker days of fall and winter present other issues related to less sunshine. As many as 66% of people with dementia are thought to be affected by the setting of the sun. Beginning in the late afternoon, these people may show symptoms of confusion, anxiety, and aggression.

Families long for the traditions that mark the holidays. Special foods, music, colors, clothing, and decor shared with family and friends trigger emotions and tie memories of the past with the ones we make today. Sadly, our meaningful traditions are likely to be too much for our loved one with dementia. Including them can be more harmful and upsetting for them than enjoyable.

Brain power continues to diminish with dementias such as Alzheimer’s disease. Every level of stimulation we present to someone with this disease requires them to manage it with less and less ability. Think of all the stimulation we have this time of year–holiday lights; aromas from the kitchen; rich foods; and music, laughter, and multiple simultaneous conversations. This stimulation overload is exhausting for the healthiest people much less those already fatigued from daily living.

Maintaining a predictable routine with limited, controlled stimulation, and periodic rest periods is the key to keeping a person with mid-to-late-stage Alzheimer’s and other dementias calm. Parties that include our loved one with dementia are best limited to a handful of people at a time, close to or at home, in a quiet location, and for no more than two to three hours including travel time. Small group visits throughout the season rather than everyone at one time may be the best alternative.

Family members who do not spend much time with our loved one are not likely able to understand the change in traditions, or that our loved one may not be able to attend their festivities at all. However, celebrations with a loved one with Alzheimer’s is often more difficult for them than memorable or meaningful and therefore, need to be modified or completely abandoned. If we truly love them, the impact of our festivities on them and how we may include them in a way that is good for them rather than appeasing our emotional needs will be our priority.

**For additional guidance on living with loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias, see Navigating Alzheimer’s, The Alzheimer’s Spouse, and Inspired Caregiving.

 

Eat Well. Live Well. Friday, May 29 2015 

Culture and Everyday Life and Family and Health , , , , , , Mary K. Doyle 7:18 pm

Food is nature’s medicine. Well, at least before we add all the butter and sugar. A recent study published in the journal, Alzheimer’s & Dementia: the Journal of the Alzheimer’s Association, showed a particular diet, known as the MIND diet, lowers the risk of Alzheimer’s disease by as much as 53% in participants who faithfully adhered to it.

MIND stands for Mediterranean-DASH Intervention for Neurodegenerative Delay. The acronym comes from the fact that the MIND diet is a combination of the Mediterranean and DASH diets. This diet is predominately based on whole, natural foods but one that is easier to follow than the other two.

The MIND diet consists of vegetables—especially a generous amount of green leafy ones, nuts, berries—especially blueberries, beans, whole grains, fish, poultry, olive oil, and wine.

Foods to avoid include red meat, butter and margarine, cheese, pastries and sweets, and all fried and fast food.

The study also showed that the longer we’re on the diet, the better. But even those who only adhered to it moderately saw a 35% lower risk.

The study, which began in 1997, was funded by the National Institute on Aging. One researcher was from Harvard School of Public Health. The others were all from Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Participants consisted of more than 900 people between the ages of 58 and 98.

Click on the link below for a chart to hang on your refrigerator:

MIND Diet Chart

©2015, Mary K. Doyle

 

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