
Loving a spouse with dementia for decades comes with tremendous heartache. The treacherous path that must be tread requires steady, patient, and unstoppable footing as well as a thick skin. But through this journey, I also gained some wisdom.
Here are a few things I learned from loving a spouse with Alzheimer’s:
- Faith, family, and friends can get us through everything.
- Looking back with regret is pointless.
- Get as much rest as you can when you can.
- Some days neither our spouse with dementia or we spousal caregivers make sense.
- We don’t need the correct words to get our point across.
- We’re all a little “off.”
- Remain in the present moment. The past is over and whatever future we have will be our present.
- Slow down. What we are doing at a given time deserves our attention.
- Skip the little worries and place the big ones in God’s hands.
- Appreciate everything as if experiencing it for the first time.
- No matter how far away someone is mentally, they can feel the love.
- If this moment is troubling, believe there will be others that are better.
- You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself.
- Forget the to-do list. Just do the next right thing.
- There’s always something to cry about.
- There’s always hope. New medicines, new therapies, and a new peace are ahead.
- There’s always joy. Even in the worst of times something good is happening.
- Don’t ignore all your blessings.
*I wrote a few books just for you. These books offer answers to your questions and comfort–Navigating Alzheimer’s, The Alzheimer’s Spouse, and Inspired Caregiving. (These books are also available on Amazon)
Thank you for sharing this Mary. I especially love the “forget the to do list”suggestion. I so often get far too entangled in those kinds of lists.
Thank you, Neal. My brother reminds me to “do the next right thing.” Things aren’t so overwhelming that way. Do you care for a loved one with dementia?
I did before my father passed away several years ago.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with loving a spouse with dementia. It’s clear that this journey is not an easy one, but your wisdom and advice are invaluable for those who may be going through a similar situation. I especially appreciate your reminder to remain in the present moment and appreciate everything as if experiencing it for the first time.
My question for you is, what advice would you give to someone who is just starting on this journey of loving a spouse with Alzheimer’s?
Frances, I’m sorry this journey is ahead of you. For me, knowledge is power. Learning about the disease helped me understand how little control my husband had over his behavior. I also recommend that you care for yourself along the way. You can’t care for anyone if you are fatigued or hungry.
I am sure it would be very difficult adjusting to a spouse with Alzheimer’s. We have experienced a parent with it and living for the moments of connection are most rewarding, even if they don’t remember five minutes after we are gone.
Great points you have learnt! 👍