Singing the Holiday Blues Monday, Dec 2 2019 

Alzheimer's and Baking and Books and Cooking and Culture and Everyday Life and Family and Health and Perspective , , , , Mary K. Doyle 12:09 pm

I thought it would be easier this year. Yes, my husband, Marshall, only passed away less than nine months ago, but this was my fifth year without him at Thanksgiving dinner, and I am at peace knowing that Alzheimer’s has released him into the hands of the Lord. Yet, at the end of Thanksgiving Day, I was still depressed.

As my friend, David, who just lost his wife to Alzheimer’s, said to me, no matter how we fill our days, the evenings are sad and lonely. I’ve noticed that the last few years have been like that. I’m more depressed after being with loved ones and returning home.

Keeping busy and social are important elements in preventing getting stuck in the muck of holiday depression. We need to do things that bring us joy. And at the end of the day, especially the most difficult ones, ease the loneliness with uplifting music, movies/tv/reading, and friends.

I’m fortunate to have people who help me through. My friend, Paul, insisted on coming over on Friday to watch a silly Christmas movie. He knew a cure for loss was company and humor. And then, my son and his girlfriend visited yesterday.

Remember, that although missing our loved ones, especially around the holidays never fully disappears, it does get easier. As my psychologist friend, Sue, says, it becomes a different kind of, more bearable mourning. My mother passed away in 1999, and I especially long for her while baking during the holidays. It’s not the heart-wrenching type of pain of the past, but more like a missing part of the puzzle of tradition and a gratitude for having those experiences at all.

May all your memories of passed loved ones bring a smile to your face and a warmth to your heart this holiday season.

***

If you’re in the area, please join me for my last presentation of the year. “The Alzheimer’s Spouse,” will be from 1:00 p.m. – 2:30 p.m. on Thursday, December 5, 2019 at The Inter-Faith Chapel at Leisure World, 3680 S. Leisure World Boulevard, Silver Spring, MD 20906. For reservations, please call Julie Boone Roth, 301.847.3051.

***

The Alzheimer’s Spouse is available from Amazon.com and ACTA Publications.com. Navigating Alzheimer’s is also available from Amazon and ACTA.

***

Do you follow my other blog, Midwest Mary, or my author Facebook page?

 

Deck the Halls Monday, Nov 26 2012 

Culture and Everyday Life and Holiday , , , , , Mary K. Doyle 1:41 pm

Every year since 1974 I place my oldest and most expensive ornament at the top of the Christmas tree. The ornament has survived dozens of curious children and our cat, Tinkerbell, who thought the tree should be nestled under and climbed. This year I watched the beautiful Hummel slip from my hands and shatter on the floor. I feel badly about the loss but know that for everything there is a season, and I guess that ornament’s season has ended.

As much as I loved the ornament, it certainly was not my most valuable one. Our tree is decorated with the story of our lives. Many ornaments were handmade by my mother, me, and my adult children when they were little. We have ornaments from our travels, special events, and other friends and family as well as my parents’ favorites. We also have objects like baby booties, rattles, and TV Magic Cards from memorable moments in time.

The holidays are most meaningful when marked with tradition. The music or movie played while decorating, the foods enjoyed throughout the season, and the placement of special decorations mark our holidays and the years.

Please tell me what makes your season special. I’d love to hear from you.

©Mary K. Doyle

 

%d bloggers like this: