Modified Holidays for Loved Ones with Dementia Monday, Nov 14 2022 

Alzheimer's and Culture and Everyday Life and Family and Health and Holiday , , , , , , , Mary K. Doyle 9:35 am

With the holidays approaching, all the fun and memorable events ahead present increased challenges for people with dementia. In addition, the darker days of fall and winter present other issues related to less sunshine. As many as 66% of people with dementia are thought to be affected by the setting of the sun. Beginning in the late afternoon, these people may show symptoms of confusion, anxiety, and aggression.

Families long for the traditions that mark the holidays. Special foods, music, colors, clothing, and decor shared with family and friends trigger emotions and tie memories of the past with the ones we make today. Sadly, our meaningful traditions are likely to be too much for our loved one with dementia. Including them can be more harmful and upsetting for them than enjoyable.

Brain power continues to diminish with dementias such as Alzheimer’s disease. Every level of stimulation we present to someone with this disease requires them to manage it with less and less ability. Think of all the stimulation we have this time of year–holiday lights; aromas from the kitchen; rich foods; and music, laughter, and multiple simultaneous conversations. This stimulation overload is exhausting for the healthiest people much less those already fatigued from daily living.

Maintaining a predictable routine with limited, controlled stimulation, and periodic rest periods is the key to keeping a person with mid-to-late-stage Alzheimer’s and other dementias calm. Parties that include our loved one with dementia are best limited to a handful of people at a time, close to or at home, in a quiet location, and for no more than two to three hours including travel time. Small group visits throughout the season rather than everyone at one time may be the best alternative.

Family members who do not spend much time with our loved one are not likely able to understand the change in traditions, or that our loved one may not be able to attend their festivities at all. However, celebrations with a loved one with Alzheimer’s is often more difficult for them than memorable or meaningful and therefore, need to be modified or completely abandoned. If we truly love them, the impact of our festivities on them and how we may include them in a way that is good for them rather than appeasing our emotional needs will be our priority.

**For additional guidance on living with loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias, see Navigating Alzheimer’s, The Alzheimer’s Spouse, and Inspired Caregiving.

 

What to Do in Quarantine Thursday, Mar 12 2020 

Culture and Everyday Life and Faith and Family and Health , , , , Mary K. Doyle 9:16 am

Remember all those days you asked for things to slow down? Well, your request has been granted. The world is currently on hold.      

With the Coronavirus/COVID-19 taunting us, we are advised to avoid social gatherings, wash our hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds, use hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol, and be particularly careful if we are more than 60 years old and/or have chronic health conditions such as heart and lung disease and diabetes.

So, what to do if we are laying low? We are busy, social people and are used to being on the go. Switching gears to a slower pace takes some adjustment.

Here’s our opportunity to catch up on our long list of things we’ve been putting off. Following are some suggestions:

  • Deep clean the house.
  • Enjoy our homes that cost so much to live in.
  • Pray.
  • Play board games with the family.
  • Bake.
  • Practice our musical instruments such as piano, guitar.
  • Clear out the DVR. Watch all those recordings we wanted to capture.
  • File income tax.
  • Complete the census survey.
  • Work on crafts such as scrapbooking, sewing, wood cutting, flower arrangements, etc.
  • Organize the garage.
  • Clean out closets.
  • Paint a room.
  • Sort through our collections such as coins, model cars, and memorabilia.
  • Work on a household budget.
  • Video chat with loved ones.
  • Write notes to elderly homebound.
  • Journal feelings.
  • Meditate.
  • Organize photos. 
  • Exercise-walk, practice yoga, get on the bike.
  • Wash the car.
  • Read through that stack of books and magazines.

Most of all, try to be loving and supportive. We’re all feeling the stress, and a little love can go a long way. And, hang in there, my friends. This too shall pass.

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Have you seen my last post on Mary K Doyle Books, “One Year Later?”

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**Update on my presentation schedule: Due to COVID-19, presentations are postponed until this summer or later.

 

Mother’s Day Blessings Saturday, May 11 2019 

Everyday Life and Family and History and Midwest , , , , Mary K. Doyle 3:13 pm

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I am rich in children. God’s  blessed me with three loving, healthy, beautiful children, a son-in-law, four grandchildren, four Godchildren, four step-children, step-children-in-law, step-grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and others I love like my own. And then there are all those I see in my dream. So often, these children, especially babies, are nestled in my arms while I dream on.

The gift of children is one I give thanks for daily. I know few other women are so blessed and Mothers Day can prompt a range of emotions in them.

For all the mothers who love their children, those who long for a child, and the mothers separated from their children as well as as  the children who have lost their mother or do not have one who loved them, Mothers Day is an emotionally charged occasion. In honor of all mothers and children in all phases of life, here is a prayer I posted in 2012 with a few changes.

Lord,

Bless the tired mom.
Bless the first-time mother.
Bless the mother with disabilities
Bless the mother who’s incarcerated.
Bless the mother who is overwhelmed.
Bless the mother who lost a precious child.
Bless the mother who raises her child alone.
Bless the mother who unknowingly harms her child.
Bless the woman who mothers a child who is not hers.
Bless the mother who doesn’t know how to love her child.
Bless the mother who does without necessities to feed her child.
And Please, Lord,
Bless the mother who protects her child from harmful people.
Bless the mother who works long hours to support her child.
Bless the mother who cares for a child with disabilities.
Bless the mother whose child does not love her back.
Bless the mother who cannot hear or see her child.
Bless the mother who is separated from her child.
Bless the woman whose arms ache for a child.
Bless the mother who loves a difficult child.
Bless the mother whose child is ill.
Bless the expectant mother.

Lord, bless us all.

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Have you seen my latest post, Memory Keepers, on my other blog?

 

Genetics, Not Math Wednesday, Feb 27 2019 

Culture and Everyday Life and Family and Health and History , , Mary K. Doyle 11:53 am

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In November, I posted that I submitted to genetic testing (A Fuller Story of Ourselves). At that time, I was most curious about the health aspect of the testing. Fortunately, results indicated that I was not predisposed to any of the ten diseases tested.

Since then, the ancestry portion has intrigued me. 3/8 German, 3/8 Irish, and 2/8 Italian. That’s how I used to describe myself. I based this status on my grandparents: My maternal grandmother was all German, maternal grandfather all Irish, paternal grandmother all Italian, and paternal grandfather half Irish, half German.

But those proportions weren’t correct after checking out my ancestry with 23andMe. I never considered the genetic roll of the dice when each of my parents contributed a random half of their genetics to me. Nor did I speculate beyond a couple of generations. My mother spent decades researching our family ancestry through the 1800s, so I thought that I knew the whole story.

My 23andMe genetic testing went back to the 1600s, so it takes into consideration the generations prior that migrated and blended long before my grandparents. I’m 99.8% European. In addition to German, Irish, and Italian, I also have traces of Greek and Balkan, Scandinavian, Spanish and Portuguese, .2% Ashkenazi Jewish, undesignated broadly Northwestern European, and undesignated broadly Southern European. (Percentages may change and ancestry may become more specific as the 23andMe data base increases.)

Most surprising was my ancestry compared to my sister, Margaret. I’d expected us to be nearly identical because Margaret and I look most alike out of five siblings. In actuality, we’re only 53.6% genetically identical. Although 23andMe stated that they suspected we were sisters, my son and I are nearly the same proportion at 50% identical.

The proportions of ancestry, and even some of the nationalities between Margaret and me, differed. In addition to the ancestry list, 23andMe offered an interesting picture of the genetic areas tested and where we were completely identical, half identical, and not at all identical.

The more family members participate in testing, the more interesting the picture of our past will be revealed. Perhaps I’m more genetically like one of my other four siblings that I resemble the least.

What are your thoughts on genetic testing?

(Check out posts on my other blog, Mary K Doyle Books, including We Can’t Know for Sure, How Will Our Story End, Sacrificing for God’s Mission.)

 

Our Parents’ Children Monday, Sep 24 2012 

Everyday Life and Perspective , , Mary K. Doyle 12:00 am

You may be a CEO, church leader, or successful entrepreneur but when you and your siblings get together, everyone reverts to six years old, especially if you are back in your parents’ home.

My husband and his brother were senior citizens and still teased and poked each other when we’d visit. They were like two little boys with mischievous smiles. One look and you knew they were up to something.

My siblings and I aren’t much different. We enjoy each other’s company and are close friends. But we also share that unique sibling relationship of cohorts and competitors. We gather for birthdays, holidays, celebrations, and just because. Through the years we’ve supported each other financially, emotionally, and physically. And we are blessed with spouses who delightfully add to the mix.

When my mother was at the end of her life our family stood around Mom’s bed. It was an emotional time as we watched our mother slipping away. We prayed, held Mom’s hand, talked quietly among ourselves, and cried.

At one point my mother appeared to barely be breathing. She motioned for my sister, Patti, to come closer. The rest of us looked at each other. Why did Mom want Patti? What special last words did she have for her and not us? Mom always did like Patti best.

Patti knelt next to our mother. We stood silently, straining to learn that precious message.

And then we all heard it. We heard those memorable last words.

“Cut your hair,” Mom said to Patti. “You look terrible.”

Patti cried. The rest of us laughed. A perfect sibling moment.

(The photo above was taken Christmas, 1967. From left to right: John Michael, Mary Kathleen, Patti Ann, Margaret Ellen, James Joseph)

©Mary K. Doyle

 

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