Midwest Mary

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By

Mary K. Doyle

·

Personality Changes and Dementia

–He would say that he had a quick errand to run but
didn’t return for hours and was angry when I asked
where he was.

–He enjoyed being with people but was suddenly
argumentative with people he had never found
fault with in the past.

–He couldn’t find his keys or phone and blamed me for
displacing his items.

One of the most common questions I’m asked is how I recognized something was wrong with my husband? How did I know Marshall had Alzheimer’s disease?

The red flag for me was the change in personality. Marshall was previously a happy, easygoing guy, and gradually became increasingly agitated, frustrated, and troubled.

Anytime someone makes a radical change in personality should be a signal to loved ones that an investigation is needed. Something has triggered this change, be it physical, mental, or emotional.

We begin by asking questions such as

  • Is medication appropriately prescribed and being taken?
  • Is there an underlying health issue that is causing distress on a major organ or system?
  • Has a test for urinary tract infection been made?
  • Could it be due to alcohol abuse?
  • Is it time for a medical exam?
  • Is clinical depression the problem?
  • Was there a recent emotional trauma?
  • Has there been physical abuse?
  • How often is this person in distress?

It can take months or even years to fully understand the underlying issues of many health problems. Testing is likely required and may include physical and mental evaluations with several specialists. Getting in all of these visits takes time because of the shortages of appointment availability and the wait for test results.

If Alzheimer’s is the cause of the change, such investigations will be ongoing as the loved one will no longer be able to express what is wrong. We have to figure that out for them every time something changes, which is likely to be quarterly.

Medication, supplements, and behavioral modification brought Marshall back to a happier person for a good part of his remaining years. He continued to enjoy being around people and was mostly content.

This calmer, happier return required ongoing consideration. Medications were constantly being modified. I had to not only learn how to respond in ways that did not worsen his mood but also redirect him to an activity he enjoyed even when I was exhausted, frustrated, or upset. The extra effort was stressful but not nearly as it would have been if I didn’t keep my composure.

If you find yourself in this situation, don’t give up hope. Seek guidance from counselors, staff at memory care homes, families experienced with caregiving, the Alzheimer’s Association, and professionals. Help is available.

***The director of a large chain of memory care homes asked me to write specific books for caregivers of individuals with dementia. These books are the result of those requests: Navigating Alzheimer’s, The Alzheimer’s Spouse, and Inspired Caregiving.

©2024, Mary K. Doyle

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Responses to “Personality Changes and Dementia”

  1. ravishekharu

    nice

    Reply
  2. Looking for the Light

    You break it down to where people can really understand, and the questions are perfect. Maybe because of my own Cognitive Impairment I didn’t realize your husband had Alzheimer’s. We share the same joy and pain of being a caregiver to someone with a Brain illness. I’m so proud of you in that you were asked to write these books. I want to write a post about the different types of Cognitive Impairment and the resources available, like your books. It makes perfect sense! Maybe I’ll throw in a couple of questions from you. I’ll let you know what I come up with. Hugs.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      I’m very interested in what you will do, Melinda. You know how difficult it is for caregivers to get out. Books are an important resource that comes to them. I know your book will be exactly what so many need.

      Reply
      1. Looking for the Light

        I do still want to do a short interview with you, 6-8 questions and an overview of the books you’ve written including a link to your page that shows each and the details. Cool with that. There is no hurry, we can takes weeks to complete if that works best for you. Please?

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          Sure, I’d love that, Melinda. Can we do it next month? I have a ton of family events right now. I appreciate that you care about me and my work.

          Reply
          1. Looking for the Light

            I’ll start the headline and questions ready and date it for next month about this time? I look forward to this!

          2. Mary K. Doyle

            Perfect, Melinda. Have a wonderful weekend.

  3. Kymber Hawke

    I so agree with you about knowing the signs. I spent a lot of my time as an RN with hospice patients, my specialty being dementia.

    Once, when I was a charge nurse on a rehab unit, this sweet older lady came to my desk with a bowl of candy and asked if I wanted any. I declined, but I soon saw her bowl was empty. So I called her daughter and told her at her next visit she should bring more candy.

    Later that evening, the older lady approached me with rage in her eyes, telling me someone stole all her candy. It took a bit to calm her down (I employed some topical Ativan), and then the CNA’s took her off to bed.

    You just never know how it will manifest, but your signals are spot on.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you for your input, Kymber. You certainly understand the variations of the disease even in the same person. That is what challenges the home caregiver. We try to make sense where there isn’t any.

      Reply
      1. Kymber Hawke

        Yes, I understand you feeling that way. It’s a very difficult time for the home caregiver indeed. 🩷🌸 I respect home caregivers a lot.

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          Your compassion is appreciated, my friend.

          Reply
  4. Carol anne

    Hi Mary. This post was very informative, sending big hugs to you!

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Carole Anne. I love hugs.

      Reply
  5. Maranda

    Both my mom and her husband are in the nursing home with dementia and other health issues. It is really sad and exhausting to try to be there for them as much as I need to be, especially since they are in another state.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      I certainly understand, Maranda. The distance brings more challenges to the situation.

      Reply
  6. luisa zambrotta

    Thank you very much for sharing this very useful information

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      You are welcome, Luisa. What good is life if we don’t share what we learn and ease the journey for others?

      Reply
      1. luisa zambrotta

        Thank you again for this precious reflection, dear Mary💓

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          Thank you, my friend.

          Reply
          1. luisa zambrotta

            The pleasure is all mine, dear Mary 🙏🌺

  7. vermavkv

    Beautiful

    Reply
  8. Indira

    Well presented article, Mary!

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Indira. I appreciate your comment.

      Reply
  9. restlessjo

    Thankfully there is help out there, Mary, but it’s not always easy to obtain. Your Marshall was lucky that you persisted and had the knowledge to help him, however hard it was for you.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      The most challenging part about getting help, Jo, is that most caregivers are isolated. They are fully involved in the constant care of a loved one with dementia. I, like most, only went out with Marshall. I wasn’t aware of my options.

      Reply
  10. Rosaliene Bacchus

    Thanks for sharing your own journey.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      My pleasure, and also the need to reach out to others in similar situations. Thank you for commenting, Rosaliene.

      Reply
      1. Rosaliene Bacchus

        Mary, I’m sorry we did not connect several years ago when my mother’s behavior took a dark turn and cut me out of her life.

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          Oh, I’m so sorry, Rosaliene. I wish I could have been there for you. Sending a giant, warm hug to you.

          Reply
          1. Rosaliene Bacchus

            Thanks very much, Mary ❤

  11. Nancy Homlitas

    Your description of your husband’s Alzheimer’s tell-tale signs and your summary of what questions one should pose is valuable and easy to understand information. Thank you for sharing it. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Nancy. I feel the need to share what I learned the hard way.

      Reply
  12. Looking for the Light

    I keep forgetting about all the great books you’ve written. I’m buying the one that discusses the Rosary today. I haven’t been to Mass in years and recently decided to become active again. There is so much I’ve forgotten. My teaching about the Catholic Church was when I was 14 years old, that’s when I converted. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      I’m happy you are seeking and looking at the rosary, Melinda. Once you feel Mary’s presence, our heavenly mother will be with you, comforting you, and helping through the challenges. Plus, the rosary is meditative. It’s my go-to in stressful times, while waiting, when I can’t fall asleep, when I’m worried . . .

      Reply
      1. Looking for the Light

        I have found another Catholic Church since my old one has become a mega-church which it too much to deal with. They livestream Mass every day. I have to wrap my head around how viewing vs attending Mass counts. Any thoughts on the subject?

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          I think viewing can be very beneficial. We sit in quiet and take in the messages. The one thing we won’t get is communion. But again, devotion is all what we make of it.

          Reply
          1. Looking for the Light

            I agree at the core. Above my religion, my relationship is with Jesus and God. I’m a devout Christian but on top I believe in many of the teachings of the church. Your book arrives today.

          2. Mary K. Doyle

            It’s like any relationship. We talk and interact in our own way. It’s all good.

  13. Destiny

    thanks for sharing, Mary. I too would like to add that the way you presented this made it easier to understand. 🤍🌷🙏

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Destiny. I appreciate the important feedback.

      Reply
      1. Destiny

        my pleasure 🤍

        Reply
  14. blainerestaurantreport

    Dementia is horrible. When my dad hit I think maybe 91, he didn’t know who any of his kids were anymore. And it just got worse and worse until he passed away at 96.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      I’m sorry you had to go through this experience. It’s hurtful to see your loved one decline. And it is so hurtful to be forgotten by one so dear to us.

      Reply
  15. Dorothy’s New Vintage Kitchen

    A story that rings deeply with so many.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Sadly true, Dorothy. Few of us will be untouched by dementia.

      Reply
  16. Pooja G

    I think it’s important to look out for these small or subtle changes in behaviour and speak to a professional when you notice them. Very informative post.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Pooja.

      Reply
      1. Pooja G

        My pleasure.

        Reply
  17. Michele Lee

    Just clicked through to your books, Mary. Looks like you’ve created helpful resources. Congratulations on your publication accomplishments and your contribution to addressing the role of the caregiver. 🙏🏻

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Michele. Those books were among the first written by actual caregivers. Others were written by professionals and observers.

      Reply
      1. Michele Lee

        You’re welcome, Mary and thank you for the added explanation. 🙏🏻

        Reply
  18. Jack Benton

    Shared with my readers too Mary.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Jack. I hope all is well with you.

      Reply
      1. Jack Benton

        Wish I had more social interaction Mary. It’s hard being alone. I’m sure you might have some experience with it.

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          Yes. I’ve been alone a long time, and I was basically alone with Marshall because communication was limited. However, I have a huge family and circles of friends.

          Reply
  19. mistermaxxx08

    Very informative and helpful. The way you broke it down is very relatable for so many souls. Thoughts and prayers are with you 🙏 and you are appreciated in a very difficult time of reflection and loss. Bless you

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Mister Maxx. It was a very long, difficult road for 15 years. I’m still recovering. I appreciate your understanding and kindness.

      Reply
      1. mistermaxxx08

        Prayers and thoughts are with you always because wounds of loss there is no time limit to mourn.reach out to me whenever you need to talk

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          You are awesome.

          Reply
          1. mistermaxxx08

            I think alot of you

  20. Privatedreamer

    https://privatevisatoarea.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  21. Rebecca Cuningham

    Thanks for this important information. I need to ask my dad to go in and get checked.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      One of the many problems dealing with people with Alzheimer’s disease is that they cannot recognize their failings. Rebecca, it isn’t likely that your dad will present an accurate assessment to the doctor. It would be better if you went with your father or could send the doc your observations prior to your dad’s visit. Are you his POA? It would be helpful if you are because then you can speak directly to the doctor.

      Reply
      1. Rebecca Cuningham

        I don’t know who is his POA. Perhaps my mom. Time to ask!

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          Yes. POA for medical and property. Both very important in the event someone needs to assist with decisions. All the best to you, Rebecca.

          Reply
  22. Amy

    My thoughts are with you, Mary. It take extraordinary strength to go through this difficult time, I pray for you.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Amy. Marshall passed away in 2019. I’m doing much better at this time.

      Reply
      1. Amy

        Going through what you did takes more than strength.

        Reply
        1. Mary K. Doyle

          Sadly, I have a lot of company. Thank you for your compassion, Amy.

          Reply
  23. Asif Baloch

    Every paragraph shows your writing pattern, I loved it.

    Reply
  24. CurvyElvie

    Thank you for sharing such a private battle. It’s very hard seeing your loved ones get lost in their memories.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      You sound like one who knows this from experience. I’m sorry you had to experience this. Thank you for commenting. It’s good to see you here.

      Reply
  25. KK

    Thank you, Mary, for sharing this very informative post! Patience, understanding and care are must in such cases, as you have demonstrated.🙏💐

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      Thank you, Kaushal. I appreciate your understanding of dementia.

      Reply
  26. Dawn Pisturino

    Sounds so much like my father! My aunt was the only one who could control him or get him to sign paperwork because he had done it his whole life.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      I’m sorry, Dawn. It’s painful to watch our loved ones decline with dementia.

      Reply
  27. In My Rurality

    We are really starting to see the personality differences of late. For my mom change seems particularly hard for her to manage. A new alarm clock, a different phone, a safety railing on her bed. All things she asked for, but have quickly shown us her discontentment. She is very easily frustrated. Even unexpected packages upset her. We are very grateful that she is in a good facility where they watch over her when we can’t.

    Reply
    1. Mary K. Doyle

      I’m sorry for you as well as your mother. The progression and challenges of dementia isn’t easy to watch. Everything is so much for them to process. It’s all so overwhelming. I’m glad you have help. It soon becomes more than one person can handle. A team is needed.

      Reply
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