Midwest Mary

Finding a compatible partner to share the ups and downs of life is a goal most of us have. But we cannot fully anticipate how our journey together will go. Finances, unexpected world events, accidents, and mental and physical health can send us on unexpected detours or down unknown paths at any point. I learned this during my marriage with Marshall.

I understood that my husband was 20 years my senior and could become ill at some point. However, his family had longevity, and he was physically and socially active. My thoughts were that if Marshall became ill, we’d get through it together.

Nine years into our very happy union, things took a troubling turn. Marshall was getting lost, losing his personal items, and becoming agitated and argumentative, which was unlike him.

I did not know anything about Alzheimer’s disease at that time. I didn’t even recognize it when it began interfering with our daily life and marriage. I soon learned much about the disease and how best to care for my husband.

I vowed to care for Marshall in our home, which I did for the first ten years. But it took a severe toll on my health, and it came to a point that he was no longer safe. He was falling down the stairs, pushing me down the stairs, wandering outside at all hours and not knowing where he was. It became clear that we needed more than I could provide. He needed a team.

Providing safe, healthy, loving care for our loved one with Alzheimer’s disease often ultimately means moving them to a care facility. Making that decision is heart-wrenching. We begin this path with the full intention of providing for them ourselves. However, the round-the-clock, intensive care may increasingly become impossible.

Once the decision is made and an appropriate home is found, we must find the way to pay for the care. Monthly payments for this specialized care typically range from $5,000-10,000 a month or more. “Nest eggs” are quickly depleted at such an exorbitant price.

I’m often asked how families can generate the
funds. Here are a few suggestions:

• Tap into savings
• Cash in investments
• Remortgage our loved one’s house
• Attain a reverse mortgage on our loved one’s house
• Borrow on or cash in life insurance policies
• Pension payments and social security may pay a portion of the fee
• The other spouse may downsize the couple’s home
• Use income from the other spouse’s employment
• Family members can all chip in each month or take turns making payments

People with Alzheimer’s disease live an average of 8 years from the time of diagnosis but many far exceed this average. Marshall lived with Alzheimer’s symptoms for 15 years. The extent of care can quickly drain all assets from an entire family.

Government assistance is limited and only can be tapped into when nearly all household funds are depleted. The basic guideline is that Medicaid will take over when the individual or couple with a spouse with Alzheimer’s is down to $2500, however, it is much more complicated. It’s best to seek legal and financial advice long before this point so appropriate decisions can be made.

And know that many memory care homes do not accept Medicaid. Our loved one will have to be moved to one that does.

There also are some new laws about receiving financial assistance for family caregivers, which was not available when I cared for Marshall.

Seek more information on financial assistance and management from an elder law attorney and financial managers.

For more information on Alzheimer’s disease, see Navigating Alzheimer’s, The Alzheimer’s Spouse, and Inspired Caregiving.

©Mary K. Doyle, 2026