I thought it would be easier this year. Yes, my husband, Marshall, only passed away less than nine months ago, but this was my fifth year without him at Thanksgiving dinner, and I am at peace knowing that Alzheimer’s has released him into the hands of the Lord. Yet, at the end of Thanksgiving Day, I was still depressed.
As my friend, David, who just lost his wife to Alzheimer’s, said to me, no matter how we fill our days, the evenings are sad and lonely. I’ve noticed that the last few years have been like that. I’m more depressed after being with loved ones and returning home.
Keeping busy and social are important elements in preventing getting stuck in the muck of holiday depression. We need to do things that bring us joy. And at the end of the day, especially the most difficult ones, ease the loneliness with uplifting music, movies/tv/reading, and friends.
I’m fortunate to have people who help me through. My friend, Paul, insisted on coming over on Friday to watch a silly Christmas movie. He knew a cure for loss was company and humor. And then, my son and his girlfriend visited yesterday.
Remember, that although missing our loved ones, especially around the holidays never fully disappears, it does get easier. As my psychologist friend, Sue, says, it becomes a different kind of, more bearable mourning. My mother passed away in 1999, and I especially long for her while baking during the holidays. It’s not the heart-wrenching type of pain of the past, but more like a missing part of the puzzle of tradition and a gratitude for having those experiences at all.
May all your memories of passed loved ones bring a smile to your face and a warmth to your heart this holiday season.
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If you’re in the area, please join me for my last presentation of the year. “The Alzheimer’s Spouse,” will be from 1:00 p.m. – 2:30 p.m. on Thursday, December 5, 2019 at The Inter-Faith Chapel at Leisure World, 3680 S. Leisure World Boulevard, Silver Spring, MD 20906. For reservations, please call Julie Boone Roth, 301.847.3051.
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The Alzheimer’s Spouse is available from Amazon.com and ACTA Publications.com. Navigating Alzheimer’s is also available from Amazon and ACTA.
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Do you follow my other blog, Midwest Mary, or my author Facebook page?
Mary, it’s 4 years since Norm left. It does get a bit easier after the third year. A church down here has a special service on December 15 they call Blue December just for those going through loss. It’s a wonderful idea.
Keep busy and safe
Beth
Thank you, Beth. I love the December 15th service. All the best to you.
[…] you read, Singing the Holiday Blues, on my other blog, Midwest […]
Mary, You describe the loneliness of loss so eloquently! I hope you derive solace from having been such a devoted and thoughtful spouse, and can be cheered reflecting on the great mutual love that marked your married life. So many of us pass through life without this blessing and honor.
Thank you for sharing your emotions with us–your candor itself is a gift. Your post brings to mind this op-ed on Mr. Rogers published last week.
We’re with you,
Susan